Poop…the Whole Poop…and Nothing BUT The Poop

~ Forewords ~
Most folks like sausage but if they ever watched it being made they would never eat it. Same thing with POOP – (not that we eat it but it EATS US in one way or another)

In years gone by, I posted links to some web sites for those who were interested in going to the ROOT of the health problems most suffer from. Have you thought about what your autopsy report would read like if you just kept eating as you do now (those who haven’t CHANGED their diets). Dear reader – your colon contains 60 lbs of dried and infected feces and is the cause of death due to being FULL OF IT.… didn’t follow advice to CLEAN THE COLON AND TO EAT THE RIGHT FOODS.

As WGEN readers already know, I have this strange Polish Scent of Hew-More (pun intended) so the very first segment of the post below is one that fits with my idea of how to get folks to acknowledge that we all POOP.

POOP POOP POOP POOP
No one wants to say the word or talk about it but we ALL do it (If not then you really DO have a problem) and it amazes me how little is known by most about what POOP should or shouldn’t be like…. or what is a ‘normal’ bowel movement.

I have talked to folks who thought once a week was ‘normal’ because no one ever told them it wasn’t. Some thought once a day was ‘normal’…..

And then there is the type of POOP – some hard as rocks that make noise like rocks when they hit the bottom of the toilet… some super watery and splatters all over the bowl… some little skinny pieces like lead in a pencil…. some sink – some float – some stink – some don’t.

What follows below is ‘loaded‘ with humorous material…. lots of funny farts if you will.

Following the first section I will post a few others. This is to get the ‘action‘ started for those who are still to bashful to admit they POOP and may need some HELP in doing so. I mean to say, let’s ‘loosen‘ things up a bit.

And in the words of a song the Publisher and Editor’s brother once taught him, “Smells kind of funny, but it’s really kind of runny – Diarrhea!”

Jackie Juntti
WGEN (Granny) [email protected] 

We spend all day talking about poop. But how many of us know what it really is and how it really works? Many of the explanations we read are written so that only trained medical professionals can understand them. But I’m going to try to demystify the process so that the next time your stomach doubles you over in cramps, you can think to yourself, as you stumble to the bathroom, “Hey! I know why this is happening! Thanks — *ughnnnnnnnn* — Mother-load!” (The name of the original writer. ~ Ed.)

The human digestive system operates like a factory. The plan of operation for this facility is pretty simple.

1. Obtain raw materials

2. Prepare raw materials for processing

3. Construct the product

4. Export the finished product

5. Profit from the endeavor

The raw materials needed here are food and water. They need to be of a particularly high standard in order to produce a quality end result. If automobile manufacturers used junk parts, and if they didn’t use the proper mixture of chemicals to make paint, for instance, the end result would be one ugly and poorly operating vehicle. Same thing goes for your stomach: even though the goal here in your digestive plant is to actually produce a piece of shit, it should be some good shit. Nobody likes a crappy car, and nobody likes sub-standard turds, either.

Once you have obtained the supplies needed to begin the process, you must prepare them for assembly on the turd line. The workers that perform these preliminary tasks are called enzymes. The first enzymes on the assembly line are stationed at the receiving dock — that is, your mouth. Arriving in your saliva, these enzymes begin the breakdown of carbohydrates, or starches. Once the food makes it to the stomach, the enzymes that arrive via stomach acid convert the food into chyme, a liquidy substance of partially-digested food, water, enzymes, and acid. The chyme is then squirted out into the small intestine, where the next group of laborers starts in on it.

These are the lipase enzymes — the little guys that digest fats and other lipids. Since fats do not dissolve in water and tend to clump together in a large congealed mass, the enzymes need a chemical solution to assist them in their work. This substance is called bile. Bile is stored in a small organ on the underside of the liver called the gallbladder.

Bile is essential to help the enzymes emulsify the fat molecules. This is kind of the same effect Dawn dishwashing liquid has on greasy dishes. Without bile, it would be impossible for the enzymes to complete this step, and the fat in your factory would continue down the line unchanged. This can result in ugly product flaws — excessive gas, or greasy poop.

The workers in the bile department know they’re crucial to the process — which, in some factories, gives them a sense of entitlement. Every so often they’ll go on strike. Sure, they’ll tell you that cholesterol caused crystals to form in the gallbladder, creating gallstones that blocked the passage of bile. Or maybe they’ll say it was a mass in the liver or the gallbladder or some other symptom or complication of liver or gallbladder disease. Management isn’t dumb — they know a work stoppage when they see one. But the bile department is critical, which means management has no choice but to appease them.

Assuming bile has been successfully delivered, the chyme passes on to the small intestine. There nutrients are absorbed into the circulatory system to be transported to other divisions in the company — the skin division, the muscle division, the brain division — for use in growing or repairing cells, or for the storage and release of energy.

The remaining chyme is then conveyed on to the large intestine, a.k.a. the colon. The colon’s main job is to remove the excess water and salts from the chyme for recirculation back into the factory, thus leaving a more solid substance. Bacteria located in the colon assist in fermenting and further digesting the chyme, but very little absorption of nutrients actually takes place beyond the small intestine.

The colon department extends from the cecum (a pouch that joins the small intestine to the large intestine), up the right side of the abdomen, across the upper abdomen, and then down the left side of the abdomen, finally connecting to the shipping department, a.k.a. the rectum and the anus. The colon has three parts: the ascending colon and the transverse colon, both of which absorb fluids and salts, and the descending colon, which acts as a warehouse, storing the resulting product until it’s ready for export.

The workers in the colon are bacteria — legal aliens granted permission to live and work and raise their families in your large intestine. They’re good, honest laborers. But sometimes bad bacteria manage to sneak into your stomach, perhaps hitching a ride in spoiled milk, for instance. The bad bacteria can prevent the good bacteria from doing the job. The guards in the colon are vigilant but cruel: if this happens, they’ll fill the colon full of fluid to flush everything out — bad bacteria, good bacteria, and anything that might be in the colon. Accounting writes this off as a loss: diarrhea.

But if the good bacteria are allowed to do their job, this is the end of the manufacturing process. A good, solid product successfully reaches the rectum, where it is retained until it is time for export. And if everything has gone well, the end result is profitable for all. The body reaps the benefits of the nutrients derived from the extraction procedures, and you can take pride in the magnificent labor provided by the microscopic employees of the great poop factory within you.

For the best possible outcome, it is wise to utilize strict quality control standards when selecting your raw materials. Limit the intake of excessively fatty foods or other junk to prevent unnecessary overtime on the part of the work crew. Provide an adequate water supply to aid in the absorption process, and avoid stressful situations that can create disturbances in the muscle contractions needed to keep the assembly line in motion. Poor working conditions, inadequate or improper supplies, and damaged or misused equipment can result in worker strikes, faulty products, or even permanent shutdown.

Not all automobile manufacturers are successful, and not all poop factories will be, either. But as general manager, you play an important role in the profitability of your poop manufacturing plant. You should make every effort to maintain your equipment by having routine inspections and avoiding pollutants or harsh chemicals that can lessen the effectiveness of your intestinal employees. If you drink plenty of water and eat foods low in fat and high in fiber, you should produce some quality poop that will make you the envy of the next industry convention.

Part 2
Here is a web page not wiped clean to TEST YOUR POOP KNOWLEDGE. Oh yes – after so many years – they are still “hanging” around.

1. Do they float?

They float (1 point)

They sink (2 points)

2. How firm are they?

Like toothpaste (1 point)

Hard (2 points)

3. How much do they weigh?

(2 pieces a day, each about 2 cm in diameter and about 15 cm in length)

Over 200 grams (1 point)

Below 200 grams (2 points)

4. How often do you evacuate?

Once a day (1 point)

Not everyday (2 points)

5. What color are your feces?

Yellow (1 point)

Dark brown (2 points)

6. Do your feces smell?

Not much (1 point)

Bad smell (2 points)

7. How are your feces shaped?

like pebbles (2 points)

like paste (1 point)

like a banana (1 point)

very hard (2 points)

liquid (2 points)

like mud (2 points)

But WAIT – There is MORE…

Three Reasons Why You Should Start A Colon Cleanse Regimen Today!
If you think that colon cleansing is little but quackery or the just the ramblings of those who prefer shopping in health food stores rather than supermarkets, think again!

Colon cleansing regimens have become a well recognized methodology of increasing and maintaining colon health in a day and age when unhealthy food choices and nutrition marred with man-made toxins puts undue strains on the digestive tract.

Granted, many a person will make it from the cradle to the grave without ever so much as thinking about cleansing their colon much less proceeding with such a course of action, yet you most likely know about their years spent in doctors’ offices complaining about the daily onset of new aches and pains, as well as painful gastrointestinal ailments that require special diets and pretty much reduce the quality of life.

Many of these problems can be avoided by cleaning out the colon regularly, and even though the procedure sounds more complicated than it really is, there are three reasons you should start a colon cleanse regimen today:

1. You colon most likely will have a lively population of parasites.
As a matter of fact, if you live with a dog or cat, you cannot help it but pick up some parasite or another, even if you are most fastidious about cleaning up after your pets and regularly disinfecting your home.

While most everyone knows the looks of tape worms in their feces, hook worms by and large go unnoticed by the naked eye, but your body most certainly feels the impact of these parasites as they are attached to the insides of your intestines.

Diverting necessary nutrients from ever reaching the blood stream and thus your vital organs, you can purchase the healthiest foods possible and still not receive the full benefit of wise nutritional choices simply because parasitic invasions are nullifying their effects.

Colon cleanses flush out the parasites as well as the fecal matter they inhabit.

2. The average American eats rarely enough vegetables to ensure a healthy lifestyle, yet even the little fruits and veggies that are consumed are most often tainted with toxins from growers and sellers.

As the food is being digested, many of the toxins are left to ferment in the feces and other waste products that are not properly evacuated from the body and before long the toxin levels rise to alarming intensities.

You may feel sick, experience nausea, headaches, indigestion, diarrhea, and upset stomach pains while you simply cannot understand what is setting off your system.

While diarrhea may incapacitate you, it still does little to clean out your colon and thus rid you of the toxins that are poisoning you. Only a bona fide colon cleanse will accomplish this feat and rid you of waste products as well as unexplained sicknesses.

3. Last but not least, consider the fact that a drastic reduction of the toxin levels in your body will also decrease the effort your body has to expend toward keeping you alive by combating the worst of the toxins.

Thus, your body’s immune system is primed and ready to attack other agents as they assault your body; you will find that you are less prone to infections, virus spread ailments like colds, and overall will be in better health.

Another good reason to start a colon cleanse is because colon cleansing is the first step to a flatter tummy.

Colon Cleansing Can Help You Lose Weight!
Remember this, If your colon’s not healthy, you’re not healthy. Until next time, stay regular.

~ Afterwords ~
Perhaps you should print this post off and take it with you the ‘reading room‘ so you can better set this information in your mind. (S#*t-eating grin)

As we ‘move’ along the POOP trail I will be writing more on my own instead of doing the copy/paste routine. My hope is to first get your attention – via humor as well as the facts, and to promote your enthusiasm to talk about POOP and to clean out all those backed up POOP pockets in your colon that may well be the cause for you not feeling as good as you should.

We each need to do all we can to bring our bodies to the ultimate healthy condition so that we can fight the enemy . We need a healthy body that can FIGHT – the enemy and disease.

So if you haven’t checked out the PH Balance way of fueling your human engine here is one link for a list of the Alkaline foods you need to eat MORE of and the Acidic foods you need to eat LESS of.

May I suggest you make a folder to file all the POOP 101 posts in so that they are handy for you to review. Don’t forget, if you have questions – please ask. I will not embarrass you and I will protect your identity if I use your questions in any of the POOP 101 posts. It is TIME to talk openly about POOP. ~ Granny

The above (along with Granny’s comments) were originally published in August of 2006. All of the original Poop Report links are no longer active, save one. Man – what a s#*tty deal. ~ Ed.

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